Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
