i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
and you fell through a lawn chair
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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