remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
