If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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