dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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