But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My balls are so social today.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
