I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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