i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
