I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
