It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
two words...techno handjob
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
