Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
