There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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