do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
