I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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