u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
