he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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