Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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