Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
being pregnant is like rehab
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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