Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
