She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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