I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
