laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
