YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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