wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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