it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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