NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
