Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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