What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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