White coat. Heels.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
