if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
