Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
