So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
