i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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