a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need moral support for this bender
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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