we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
