The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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