I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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