UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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