I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
