it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
