Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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