***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
