Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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