i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
