All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
