Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love having hate sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
