I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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