I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
