the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
