My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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