things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
