hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
