I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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