this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
