Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
