There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
