I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
