I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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