I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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