omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
