im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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