Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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