Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
