This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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