i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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