And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize