Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
