I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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