i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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