I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
