dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
