i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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