I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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