one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
