I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
