it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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