Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
