I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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