So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
