Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
