jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize