i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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