i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
