So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my being single is dangerous.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
