I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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