ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
