i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
