Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
