I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
